‘Living out my values’

In this excerpt from her new book, Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You’d Rather Cancel, Professor Loretta Ross acknowledges that we are living in times of strife and division, but, she notes, now is not the time to abandon our values or turn on friends and family who may hold different views.

I know the allure of calling people out all too well. I’ve scorched others with righteous anger, and I’ve been burned by my ego. I have to trap words in my brain before they come out of my mouth a dozen times a day. Because I know it’s better if I do. I’ve seen families torn apart over political differences because they don’t know how to love each other despite their disagreements. I’ve been part of movements that have disintegrated due to their inability to distinguish between allies and enemies. I’ve seen how a moment of opportunity can slip away while we’re caught up in morality plays or power fights.

And I see the warning signs right now, for progressives and our country as a whole. Bitter partisanship has caused many of us to hate fellow Americans. It’s made people afraid to build community. It’s divided families. Almost everyone is anxious for fear of saying the wrong thing. People are distancing themselves and suffering emotionally. Powerless to do anything about geopolitical conflicts, we turn on family and friends.

Anyone who thinks this is okay doesn’t care about our country and doesn’t care about honesty, integrity, or mercy. These are, perhaps, old-fashioned terms, but they matter to me and they should matter to all of us. I have no interest in respectability politics—no interest in being polite and uncontroversial in the hope of gaining others’ approval. But I am interested in living out my values.

I get why it can be easy to forget all this. We are sensitive to our despair and the despair of others. We are all struggling to make sense of everything that is going on. We refuse to accept the status quo that judges us because of our skin color, sexual orientation, gender identity, class, citizenship, abilities, political affiliation, or any other infuriating, irrelevant reason. We witness our loved ones pulling in a different direction in ways that often don’t make sense to us. We yearn to be part of something bigger than ourselves, something that gives our life meaning. But it is not enough to be correct; we must take correct action.